Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Many of us are stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Another Presidential First
Late-night hosts returned from vacation on Monday excited to celebrate President Trump’s first public appearance in a mask during a weekend visit to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.
“Yeah, it was a really smart move — if today were March 13th,” Jimmy Fallon said in his monologue on “The Tonight Show.”
“You know, we’re just a few days away from Trump claiming that he was the first person to wear a mask.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Years from now, that mask will be in the Smithsonian, and none of us will be able to see it because we’ll still be in lockdown.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Wow, only four months too late. What’s he going to do next, drag his Christmas tree out to the curb? Start making sourdough starter and watching ‘Tiger King’? Govern?” — SETH MEYERS
“It took Trump just as long to learn that masks work as it did for him to learn that Lincoln was a Republican.” — SETH MEYERS
“And look, I’m glad that Trump finally put a mask on, but it’s got to be confusing for his supporters who have been mocking face masks this whole time. I mean, to them this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with A.O.C.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And I know that is part of the reason Trump resisted wearing the mask for so long is because he is self-conscious about his image, all right? That is why he didn’t want to do it. So let me go on record as saying: President Trump, don’t listen to any of the haters out there, saying you look like a diabetic Bane or Shredder from ‘The Ninja Turtles’ if all he shredded was cheese. You look great, so please keep wearing that mask.”— TREVOR NOAH
“And I just wanna say: Ha-ha! Fell for it, sucker. This was all the long con. We’ve been wearing ’em just to get you to look stupid. You’ve been health’d.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“A few hours later, he was wearing it as a banana hammock.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Washington Something Edition)
“Washington’s N.F.L. team announced today that they will officially retire the team’s name and logo. After completing a review of the name, said the owners, ‘We realize now that the word “Washington” is offensive to most Americans.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, Washington’s N.F.L. team will officially retire the name and logo, but did not announce a replacement. Well, if I may, how about the Jets? Nobody’s using it.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yes, after decades of resisting, the Washington Redskins have finally decided to change their name. And, look, this is a step in the right direction, but it almost feels like dismantling structural racism is so difficult that instead America is just crossing off the easier items on its racism to-do list: ‘OK, next item, we’ve got to create an equal and just society. Hm, all right, let’s skip that one. Um, what about changing the name of a football team and canceling Aunt Jemima? Yeah? That should hold us over for a year.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Never a great sign when your social wokeness is a month behind a pancake company.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Today, the team released a statement saying that they’re working to ‘develop a new name and design approach that will enhance the standing of our proud, tradition-rich franchise,’ a commitment to progress that would’ve hit a little harder had the statement not used the team’s name seven times and included their logo. Wow, they’re almost as good at P.R. as they are at football.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon’s Masculine Man Masks are ideal for men of all sizes with big insecurities.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Tom Hanks will talk about his new Apple TV+ thriller, “Greyhound,” on Tuesday’s “A Late Show.”